choosing mercy

“People were created to be loved. Things were created to be used. The reason the World is in chaos is because things are being loved and people are being used.”

I’ve been radio silent for awhile… Primarily on the blog here. Not entirely my fault as my hosting company is struggling to fix an issue with posting images from sessions through a software I use.  That is still a work in progress and I am hopeful they will get it resolved soon (Like today! Come on guys…) .  But, that’s not the only reason. I’ve been neglecting unintentionally and maybe purposefully all at the same time.

2015 has been interesting. I have a million things to be thankful for. I’ve been thriving at my job and loving working there, enjoying time with my husband, settling into our new amazing home (that I am utterly grateful for), traveling the World, and working on my relationship with God. Sounds enchanting and a little like perfection, right? While, yes… It’s also wrong.

It’s been a year of struggle.

I’ve always been very honest in this space. I run my business on honesty, walk my life in honesty. I’m that friend that’s too honest. But, that’s one of my most treasured traits (while I’m sure it’s annoying to others – not to mention the passive-agressive). I can’t and won’t talk about what all has happened this year. But, I do believe that’s been part of my issue/writer’s block.  It’s been one of the hardest years of my life. I have to press onward or else I’ll never blog again. That’s something I truly believe.

Our Europe trip came to an end 3 weeks before the attack in Paris.  Believe it or not…. All that has been going on in the World played a big role in our planning of this trip. Multiple times we talked amongst ourselves weighing the risk vs benefit of taking our trip and the likelihood that something like this could happen while abroad. Paris truly was our primary concern. We talked about many different regions of Europe and where out of those might be the safest at the moment. A large reason we did not consider Greece, Dubrovnik, or somewhere in that region this go around. Most of you know how I am… I did not travel unprepared in the instance tragedy/chaos might strike. Every time I travel abroad I take a notecard with the US Embassy address written both in English and the native language with instructions on how to get there should something happen.  I keep this card on my body at all times. (Maybe I’m psychotic, but I like to think I’m a prepared person.) Thankfully, that is a card we did not have to use this trip. We spent a good bit of time in Paris and I never felt unsafe.  I feel more unsafe in my current city of residence, but we will get to that later.  I have friends in Paris now, and the resilience of the city is proving that safety can be threatened, but that fear will not keep people from living their lives and more importantly – being good.

paris

The news has been making me just physically ill.  I cannot bare to watch it. My mind races, I lay in bed literally all night paralyzed with fear and what-ifs. I don’t like any news network at all currently, not a single one. It’s not that I can’t take the stories or imagery being shared… It’s more along the lines of the fact that I don’t know that I can trust a single one of them to just give it to me straight.   I don’t want your spin, I don’t want you bargaining chip for the story. I want truth, unfiltered and raw truth without a spin.

Sadly I’m not just worked up about overseas hate & violence. I’ve been torn from the inside out the last week over the news story that happened just a few miles away from us. The city of Indianapolis lost a bright light and child of God last week while spending a morning at home with her toddler. Any & every life lost is just a shame to me, and something I just can’t understand.  But, the reason this story struck such a cord with me is because it is physical evidence that no matter how you live your life not a single person is immune to evil.  It was a perfect example of what happened in Paris happening just on the other side of town. Desperation taking hold and ruining lives. People without Jesus hurting their brothers and sisters with no remorse or mercy.

Mercy is a word and practice I have struggled with this year.

/ˈmərsē/ noun
  1. compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm.
    Does it surprise anyone that Mercy is a noun? I’m no grammar queen here, but I would have thought it might be a verb. I’m going to assume here it is a noun because it is an “idea”.  For all of you nerds just follow along with me and ignore my ignorance.. Thinking of Mercy as an idea. Wow, that really takes me for a setback. An idea, a gentle nudge or persuasion that it CAN be done. CAN be shown. Mercy is a choice.

I’m not going to get political here and try to sway you to my thoughts, my ideas, how I THINK this World should be or be run. Syrian refugees, ISIS, murder, greed, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, whatever.  I don’t agree with that philosophy anymore. All I’m going to try to sway you to here is Mercy, and maybe the Lord. I’m not going to pound my Bible and say repent or all is lost. I’m just going to say. When things get hard and bigger than you and I know – who doesn’t want someone else in charge?  Who doesn’t want to give all of their cares away? I do.

 

I can help in my community – Coburn Place for example which I know a lot of you have heard me talk about. But, a lot of these problems are bigger than me. I can make my imprint here in Indy to an extent, but that pain and hurt goes much deeper and further than I can provide comfort or a salve for someone’s soul for.  I’m a broken person too, but I recognize that I have hope instilled in me because of God that other’s might not have. Even though I am not a perfect person or exemplary example of God – I know I have something to offer the broken and hopeless.  I’m going to smile at the frenzied walking down the street and in a hurry for their Christmas shopping. I’m going to remind myself to slow down. I’m going to help the woman with three kids at the grocery store when one of her bags tears open and the contents go flying out. When I get flipped off driving to work (which I sometimes do – since all of you know what it’s like driving in Carmel)  I’m going to wave instead of yell.  Instead of listening to my normal music, I’ve switched to KLove. When I feel anger surge at the announcement that the beautiful and faithful woman’s murderer has been arrested and all of the hate in me is screaming for justice, I’m going to try to reflect on Mercy and just what that all means. When I lose my patience over how things are going in my life or in the World, I’m going to turn to prayer. Because, I mean… What can I do that he can’t?  I urge anyone who might read this to simply love your brothers and sisters right now. All of the cares of the World are heavy burdens on all of us. Lighten the load, and carry the weight for others when they can’t. Put your opinions aside and hug someone transgender even if it’s not your belief. Hug someone Christian even if it’s not your belief. Hug someone of a different race even when your skin color doesn’t match. Because we are all the same. We are all human. We all have feelings. We all fail. We all triumph. We all hurt. We all need more love. Is it going to kill you to show humanity to your brothers and sister and choose love? Do these things really matter in the end? Are all of your opinions and things we truly know nothing about because we haven’t reached the end of our lives yet something worth destroying our World and each other over? I like to think it’s not. I have my own struggle to make with Mercy, but I’m going to try. I’m not going to live in fear anymore, but I am going to walk in love.

Sorry to get heavy on the blog, but I needed to say something and since I can’t blog pretty pictures to share some happiness it might as well be this. Enjoy your Thanksgiving with the ones you love this season. Hug folks a little tighter. I’m not saying HE is the answer for everyone, but I do think LOVE is. Wherever you may find it.  Be the light my friends and have hope.

eiffel tower paris

“It takes a great deal of courage to see the World in all it’s tainted Glory, and still to love it.” Oscar Wilde

*side note I will be blogging the Europe trip.. But, probably not until my hosting gets the site back up and running the way it should be.

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